it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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