Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize