I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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