I didn't shave. On purpose
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
