yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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