I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
