There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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