Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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