erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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