You're completely useless in the revolution.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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