suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
