he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
