That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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