I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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