i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
