Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
