i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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