'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
