YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize