i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
