I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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