I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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