she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
you would pick up someone in the library
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
