you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
This house was built for laser tag.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
