this beer tastes like vomit already
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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