the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
