Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
