Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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