So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
