drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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