Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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