Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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