i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Randomize
