Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
