You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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