Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
