I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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