i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
