It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
