I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
