I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
