she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
