Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
