I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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