Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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