did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
