got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
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