ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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