You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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