True but thats because hes a fetus.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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