I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
