So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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