not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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