There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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