plz talk dirty to me
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
