I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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