I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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