Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
last night I used snow as a chaser
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
