Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
