This is not my ceiling
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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