This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
