You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
