Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i believe in u and ur pee
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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