I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
