I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
