If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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