one might say we're banned from that church
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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