i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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