I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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