PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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