Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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