Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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